Think about how you respond when someone sets a boundary. When people in your life tell you that they have a particular boundary, how do you react? How do you react when people that you work with set a boundary? Do you feel that it is a privilege to have a boundary? Do you resent the person and feel like they are less committed because they say they have a boundary? Do you question if they are a team player? Do you think that someone who sets boundaries is selfish or mean? Do you think being available all the time makes you a better employee, friend, or family member? It is important to first challenge your thoughts about how you react to another person’s boundary setting. In doing this, you will better understand your own feelings about the act itself.
This is a great opportunity to change how you think about boundaries. Boundary setting can make you more efficient and more productive at work and contributes to strengthening your overall wellness. To change your mindset, you will have to consistently remind yourself that having boundaries improves your performance and contributes to a healthier home and work environment. Know the facts!
To help in this effort, have a plan for what you will do as part of setting boundaries. Start small and work your way up. For some of you, we may need to start with not taking your phone to the bathroom. For others, it could be planning an activity on your day off that does not allow you to do work or bring your phone. An example of an activity like this is swimming. If you are still multitasking while you’re swimming, please come and see me. For some, it could be setting a timer for a set period of time you can or will not be on your phone (and then actually following the timer) or committing to not touching your phone (or looking at messages on your digital watch) while watching movies or a child’s game. Again, start small and work your way up!
Another way to change your mindset about your boundaries is to have a group of wellness “team” members. You can plan hikes or tours of museums and make a group commitment to engage each other and have a planned collective time to check in at work or not. Leaning on each other in this sense gives you additional support, reinforces the behavior, and serves as a reminder that it is a good thing to do.
If you find that it is just too difficult to set boundaries, then it is important to lean into understanding why you feel so guilty in performing such an important act. For example, do you struggle with being a people-pleaser or do you feel like you might be judged for inserting a boundary? Better understanding why this is so difficult might require talking with a professional so that you can understand what might be uniquely challenging for you.
